John 4:13-14New Living Translation (NLT)

13 Jesus replied, “Anyone who drinks this water will soon become thirsty again. 14 But those who drink the water I give will never be thirsty again. It becomes a fresh, bubbling spring within them, giving them eternal life.”

Me:  Let me just say, I miss the man, and there is not a day that goes by that I don’t think about him, or sex. At times, I wonder if masturbation is that bad, after all, I’m not doing it with anybody. The replays of my fondest memories of him is like an imprint on my mind and in times of difficulty, when it all seems so hard, that’s where I go. To the place that once brought me pleasure and release, to Egypt. So here I am, I don’t know if this is a cry of desperation, a heart of rebellion or just flat out frustration. But, I’m here, and I have some questions.

God: First of all, I already rescued you, from the Kingdom of darkness, the devil had a plot to kill you and I saved your life, so say thank you. Beloved, all those confessions you made above was for you, because I know every detail of you and nothing you revealed surprised me. I know you’ve been annoyed, and yes you are in rebellion, because you think you deserve a prize, but who works for an inheritance?

Everything you have I gave it you. I gave up my very life for you. You live because of me. I know it’s hard for you, because you’ve never been alone before. You are used to someone always rescuing you. Your knights that never meant you no good. Yes, the ones I got rid of for your good. You are alone and you have never been here before, so yes, it’s hard.

I am here to introduce you to your new life. The one where your joy does not come from your job, or your degree, your joy comes from your existence in me. I am here to show you the parts of you that no one else sees, to transform you into who you were born to be. But beloved, there are layers and layers of the world that was imprinted on your heart, it takes time to renew your mind. To let you surrender your will to me.

I’m not the boyfriend that you rant and rave at to get what you want, that won’t get you anywhere with me. Beloved, you are my child, and I am your Father, and it is my responsibility to raise you. And as a father, I must train you, to no longer look to a man, sex, and a vacation as your source of comfort and peace, that is only found in me. You’ve been asking me for a vacation, say you need time away, what you need is more of Jesus.

You see beloved, you have never met this side of you before, that is needy, demanding and controlling, and when things don’t work out the way you would have it to, you run, to a man, to a different location for a vacation, to a friend, to anything and anyone that gives you attention. But I chained your feet, today that Debra dies, there is no more running, no more seeking, no more thirsting. It all ends right here, right now, in me.

Stop seeking for a next new thrill, relax, and learn to uncover who you are in me. So, yes, it’s hard because you cannot control me or manipulate me to have your own way. You will learn the joy of surrender. And yes, you are starting from the bottom, because I am building you from the ground up. You don’t need a vacation, you need more of Jesus, to get out all the demons of your past, so stop running and seeking and thirsting.

It’s just another level and I am here with you to love you through this process.