PART 1 

We live a society where the side chick is now the glorified role of the day. Being a man’s side piece is portrayed as being the best of both worlds. You get all the perks of a relationship but not the commitment that comes with one. Most of us women convince ourselves that we are content to play second to another if the deal is worth it. But the question is aren’t we worth more?

There was time in my life where I played the role of the other woman. In fact, I was in that role quite often. The side chick role was a mask I created for myself. Though I didn’t know it at the time, it was one of the most destructive disguises I have ever worn. Pretending to be good on the outside, being down for the ride because I knew the script but inside secretly dying to be more than just the rendezvous. Playing the role of number 2 in the lives of men destroyed me. Long before anyone asked me to be number 2, I chose this life for myself. I sold myself to be number 2 because the truth is I did not know my worth or value, I did not trust that I was enough to be number 1.

The mask of the side chick trained me to be a great pretender. I had to be anything the man needed in the moment, a listening ear, a friend, an adventure, a non-complainer, a great girl around the guys, an arm-piece and a confidant.

The mask of the side chick also taught to me to work for what I wanted. The thing is, though I signed a deal that said I was willing to be number 2, the desire of my heart was really to be number 1. In my mind, I reasoned that if I could be anything the man needed and more I could make him see that I was a better woman, and who wants good when there is better? The man would leave his number 1 for me and I would become number 1. Aspiring to be everything a man needs and pretending to be everything created two great problems for me:

1. I had to work hard for this relationship and so the love is earned and not freely given
2. The truth of who I was got lost in all the pretences and I began to buy the lie that by myself, I wasn’t enough, I had to be more to keep a man.

Sin leaves no part of you untouched. It is an adversary, and believe me when I say it comes to destroy you but like a good opponent, it will not show you its sting. The art of sin is to entice you. It baits you into believing that you will find fulfilment in the pleasure it offers, but once you’re hooked, it has no mercy, it has no remorse and no compassion and it will destroy you. It will leave no part of you whole. It will take your identity, your innocence, your intent and your heart and it will do what any good adversary does, go for the kill.

While I was a side chick I never saw the extent of my brokenness, I saw hints and pieces but the thrill of the life was appealing because sin is appealing but it was never satisfying.

It took a while for God to really deal with the levels of brokenness playing number 2 did to my heart, my self-image and my worth. Though I have given up playing number 2 in a man’s life, that spirit of playing second best continued to visit me. At times I found myself acting like second best and the desire to work to earn the love of others would show up in my actions.

It affected how I saw God and how I approached Him but primarily, it affected how I viewed myself. It is the love of God that saved me from this bondage. It was in the presence of the Lord and through intimacy that I uncovered that singlehandedly signing up for a joyride of being the other woman damaged me more than I could ever know.

What felt like pleasure brought me pain, what felt like a carefree choice was bondage. I thank God every day for showing up in my life. As I press into His heart for me and I discover the truth of who I was created to be I began to see the wickedness of playing second best.

Nobody wins playing second best. God Himself never placed us second but chose our lives above His own when he gave himself as a sacrifice for us.

Why then do we play second when we have a God that chose us first? I pray today that any woman playing second in a man’s life will hear the heart of God for them, that sin may feel sweet but it is not satisfying, it is a bait being used by the enemy to destroy everything God created you to be.

You deserve to be number 1. Why? Because that is who you are to God.