Last week I began a series on the blog called Servants v Sons. I wrote this blog because the Holy Spirit laid it on my heart to release this message on identity. Specifically, He is opening up a conversation about the way we view ourselves and more importantly the way God views us. Needless to say, after releasing this word I was tested on it myself and the spiritual warfare in my life kicked up a notch.
Here on a platter before me was my very own personalized test of Sonship.
This week I was presented with (2) doors, Door 1 – was the path of staying in the wilderness and learning obedience through my suffering; Door 2 – was the path of leaving my assignment before the time because it was too much for me to handle.
The thing is, because I had gone ministering identity to God’s people, my test came to reveal if what I spoke to others was true in my own life. And more specifically, did I believe what I wrote?
A lot of times as believers we find ourselves ministering things to people that we ourselves do not believe. In fact, often times we cannot testify to the truth of what we preach but we presumptuously expect others to accept our word. Too often we hide behind the religious jargons of “it is well” and “god is good” to mask the truth of the hell we are facing rather than truly exposing the dark place we are at so we can be made free through the truth of who God is in us and to us.
This double life, this lie, this façade this fallacy is nothing more than showmanship and hypocrisy that has taken over the church of the Living God. We live in an age where ministers can go on a pulpit and minister to others about being holy and being righteous when they bear no fruit of holiness or righteousness in their lives. And what is worse than the ministers preaching a lie, is us buying that lie because no one wants to offend the other. Instead we take scriptures out of context and use them to fit our own life because we are too coward and deceitful to admit that I am not who I portray to be in church. I am struggling with sin, I am an addict and I still have an orphan mindset because I do not trust God.
Too long has it been where we wear these masks to pretend for others but really God knows the truth and we do too.
The truth is though I wrote a blog about being a Son and not a servant, I was still struggling with a servant mindset in a certain area of my life. When I released the blog I knew in my spirit something was off but it was not the blog, it was me. The blog had not become real to me. Behind the keys of a computer I could pretend to you and the world that I celebrate and am truly walking in my sonship as a child of God but God knows the truth and the fruit was evident in my life for all who lived in the spirit to see it.
So this week, I had a spiritual melt down because to be honest it hurts sometimes when God reveals a part of you that you have played so much it became your truth but it is in fact a lie. I wanted to wallow in defeat and I didn’t feel like doing much of anything especially not blogging, but God would not let me.
Oh I wish you knew how much of a pursuer Jesus is, in my utter weakness and pity party He found me, when I was most weak, He was strong. He took my hand and gave me a shoulder and a listening ear. He showed me the love of the Father for me.
He also opened up my eyes to the fact that we are on this journey together, layer by layer He is stripping away the world so I can be everything He is.
I tell you the truth, though I talked of Sonship last week, it was not until I lived it this week that it became real to me. In the moment I wanted to work, my Father gave me rest. When I felt alone, He was my Guide, when I was without direction He was my Shepherd and when I feared He would dictate to me He gave me freedom through His shared rule.
It was in my testing that I found the love of my Father, I hope wherever you are in your walk with our Heavenly Father, you will find His love for you too.
